Our class definition of hook up is very well connected and ties in those keywords involving hook up culture today. There may be a lot of stigma about the hook up culture, but there are options you either participate or you don’t. People shouldn’t be judged because they do or don’t participate because it isn’t anyone’s decision except for that person. This ties into the common misconception that people who participate are “dirty” or “slutty”. Just because you participate doesn’t make you anything but yourself. So, people shouldn’t be judged because of hooking up.
I believe the biggest thing that resonated with me is the fact that I was judged in high school for hooking up with people even though that is what I wanted to do. My sophomore year of high school I hooked up with a girl and everyone basically shit on me for it. Now, I don’t want to sound rude or disrespectful, but my friends said she was beneath what my standards should be. So, I got shit on for hooking up with this girl for years; some friends, right. Besides the fact I think this was a good learning experience if anything. I learned how people can judge others so easily and I also learned what my interests are. Do I regret hooking up with her… no this helped me learn and now we’re friends.
This week my team and I talked a lot about gender roles in the hook up culture. A huge point I made is that gender roles matter more now than ever. A man doesn’t have to lead everything in a hook up situation. It all depends on the situation and how comfortable you are in that situation. I have had women make the first move on me and lead the hook up rather than I do it, and I have no problem with this. To me it is all about the general vibe of the situation and how comfortable we both are. That is why I believe it is best up front and honest with the person you’re hooking up with.
In personal experience the hook up culture has been postponed like everything else. Now that I am at home and most people are staying in their houses, it is hard to hook up with anyone. I’ve basically just been hanging out with the girl I’ve been talking to recently and that’s a good thing because we can hook up and also just hangout. I think we both enjoy each other’s company and our relationship. It’s laid back, but we still want the best for each other. During times like these when everyone is fearful, it helps to have someone to calm you down and talk to.
Our class definition of hookup culture, “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment” goes hand on hand with gender roles. Although gender roles is not specifically mentioned it does use the words “intimate” and “without commitment” which is where gender roles come in.
To start with, in Bogle Chapter 6, it is talked about that college students want carefree sex but men are better at being “carefree.” I do not necessarily agree with this. I do not think that just men are better at leaving out feelings. I think it is about who you are. Everyone is different, some people are better at not catching feelings while some like falling in love.
In Bogle Chapter 8 she talks about how women are more likely to want to turn a hookup into a relationship. I feel like this can go either way, but it also depends on how exactly are you hooking up, if that makes sense. Some people hookup and start acting like they are dating which can be misleading therefore getting feelings. But if you are just having a drunken one night stand it is kind of hard to catch feelings. I feel like the more you hookup with someone, the more you might start to get feelings, even if it is just for a couple days. She also mentions virginity. Virgins are shamed or embarrassed to be a virgin. It is not like a couple generations ago when being a virgin was glorified and pure. I actually agree with this. One of my friends is still a virgin and if we play drinking games that mentioned sex she lies and says her body count is 1. When I asked her why she did that, she said that she feels embarrassed. It is not embarrassing at all and I am happy that she did not just go have sex with some random guy to get it done and over with. Sex is not that big of a deal and it is sad that virgins feel so pressured to have sex especially when they are not ready.
I really though Bogle Chapter 7 was interesting. First she talked about how men orgasm way more than women do. I also agree with this. I feel like some men still think that women can orgasm just off penetration which is extremely rare. Or they just do not care and just want to get “their nut off.” That is an actual saying many of my guy friends say. I think this is another reason I am not extremely intrigued with hooking up with random guys because I feel like it would not be enjoyable at all. I mean all men are different but I guarantee some do not even care if the women is having a good time. Another thing that is mentioned is oral sex. I also know some guys that expect to get head and not go down on the girl he is hooking up with. Which to me is total bullshit. I feel like the guys should not be having sex if they are the type that think going down on a girl is gross. Of course not all girls like it or feel uncomfortable but I feel like the stereotype that guys automatically should get head when hooking up kind of needs to end.
Gender roles is a thing that needs to eventually die out so that everyone can enjoy hooking up without all the emotional torture and shame.
Our class definition of “hookup” is: a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment. I feel like this definition is very close to what my personal definition of “hookup” is. Our class definition doesn’t really relate to the category of gender roles. To me, this is a very important category. I identify as a female, and I think females are more shamed and are more talked about than males if they decide to participate in hookup culture.
The category of gender roles is present in both Bogle and Wade’s books, along with examples for many of our elements. In Bogle’s Hooking Up, she brings up the point that men have more power in controlling the relationship. Men are usually the one to decide whether a hookup is just a hookup or if it can become something more and turn into a relationship. Women tend to have less control in the hookup scene; they will sometimes want more from a hookup, but it’s the man that typically decides to take the relationship to the next level. This is a big part of gender roles in hookup culture. Why does the guy have the most control? Is this a part of males just stereotypically being the more dominant gender? Bogle also talks about the stereotypical male dominance outside of hookup culture; she says men plan the dates and cover the expenses. In Wade’s American Hookup, she mentions women’s appearance. When going out, women are the gender that tend to care more about how they look, they do their hair, makeup, and spend time deciding what to wear. Women care about fitting in and looking attractive to the majority, they wear what most girls wear when going out, jeans, leggings, or a skirt, with some type of crop top. On the other hand, when guys go out, they barely put any thought into their appearance. They throw on some jeans and any shirt and are ready, and females will still find them attractive and hookup with them. Going into the element of body count, Wade discusses women with high body counts scream red flag while men with high body counts appear to be cool. In a discussion forum from week 10, one post showed an image of man standing with four others labeled “Prince Charming” and a woman standing with four others labeled “Whore.” Why the double standard?
While working on our annotated bibliography, my group found a TEDx video that relates to our category of gender roles. The video really resonated with our shame and feminism elements. The presenter, Grace Rosner, explains how hooking up can be a popularity boost for boys while girls tend to feel shame after. Feminists say that “hookup” couture provides an opportunity for equalization and empowerment for women. Rosner explained that over time, the “hookup” culture exemplifies mostly masculine characteristics. Women are now allowed or encouraged to act like men.
Gender roles are seen everywhere, not just in hookup culture, making it extremely easy to relate to. I don’t really participate in hookup culture, but I’ve seen it go down. A guy asks to buy a girl a drink, they flirt, maybe make out and next thing you know they’re leaving together. I’ve never really seen it where the girl approaches the guy. Outside of hookup culture, I feel like gender roles are still present. My boyfriend insists on paying for every date because he feels that as a man, that’s his responsibility; even after a year.
We have not gotten a chance to discuss this crucial topic due to the pandemic, but I wish we had. Gender roles is a vital part of hookup culture, and is part of the reason why this culture impacts people so negatively. I can certainly relate, as it impacted me negatively. How men and women are ‘supposed’ to act is not always fair, and does not take into account the different personalities people might have. It perpetuates the narrative that men have to be ‘hunters’ and dominate, while women are ‘prey’ and are passive and submissive. This is one of my most passionate topics, as I know how much this can impact men and women who don’t have that kind of personality. I am a guy who certainly participates in the hookup culture, but I do not have that kind of approach to the culture that some other men do. I do not view women as sexual objects to be exploited, and that certainly hinders me at times, as it seems those who do tend to hookup more somehow. This is a societal issue, and is certainly getting better. Women are becoming more and more confident, and are initiating these interactions a lot more, which is very welcome in my opinion. Many men are also ‘letting’ women be more assertive, and are not attempting to constantly dominate or assert themselves. This is not just a hookup culture issue obviously, as the way gender roles impact peoples’ daily lives is still significant, in countries all over the world.
Men tend to feel, especially in college scenes, that they are hot shit, and women are lining up to get with them. They act cocky, and are full of themselves, even though they are, in my opinion, complete trash. I have had friends (though not for long) with this kind of attitude in my several years here, and it is abhorrent to see. I have also seen plenty of women who lack confidence in themselves and their own abilities, and do not act on their desires or ambitions. They get with men who are way below their league (but do not act like it) because they do not think they can do better. With women more likely to be more assertive now, and make the first move, this issue is starting to be remedied. It is still a major issue, however, due to the role Tinder plays in college environments. Men are usually expected to make the first move, and somehow woo the women and keep them entertained. I have had good experiences where the move was mutual, and respectful. The woman was straight up with me, and I was with her as well.
The opposite is also true, unfortunately. Women are sometimes more than happy to take a backseat and let men chase them. They play games, manipulate, and make men attempt to chase them. I have also had this happen, so I speak from experience. Women on tinder often have a caption in their bio of “Hit me with your best pick up line’ or something like that. Women can also help advance the critical progress that has already been made, and if some continue to manipulate and play games, the culture will be severely flawed and lead to severe mental health issues among both men and women. Due to people’s short attention spans, they lose interest in others quickly, and need to be ‘hooked’ to remain interested. Gender roles play a huge role in maintaining this culture. We have seen progress in advancing the role women play in the culture, and not just being passive and submissive, as well as men being less cocky and disrespectful. Both men and women still have a lot of work to do, however, to ensure people are not forced to play roles they are not comfortable with, as well as ensuring the culture is respectful and healthy.
Recently, we’ve been talking about gender roles, and shared our personal thoughts on how we see gender roles in society. For my example, I posted a picture of stereotypical names for heterosexual people that are active in hookup culture. For instance, men were labeled as powerful, macho, and confident; whereas women were labeled as “whores, easy, and shameful.”
My team has discussed a decent amount on gender roles in dating/hookup apps. We’ve found a common theme where females tend to be more embarrassed to be on apps instead of men at the start. We don’t understand, since both of these individuals are looking for the same end goal. Women are notoriously known to care more about what people think, thats why they have the rep of being more shy and reserved, compared to men who seem to not care what people think about their personal rep.
I’ve personally never been on a dating/hookup so I can’t speak upon experience, but am guilty that I reserve myself in the hookup scene because I don’t want to have a “slutty” rep compared to talking to guys that have been with 3x more people than I have. It bothers me that girls can have such a different rep compared to guys!
Although our definition covers a lot of the aspects of “hookup” culture because of its broadness, I feel as though the definition does not do justice to everyone individually. Everyone has their own definition of “hooking up” and “hookup” culture, so I feel as though our class definition wouldn’t apply to every group or person. Me personally, I can connect to this definition when I think of “hooking up” I think of sexual intercourse of any kind between people who are not together. Since the beginning of time, women have always been treated different than men for majority of everyday life things. In terms of hooking up and relationships, there is always a double standard which cause women to be treated negatively because of it.
Although we have not been able to do much discussion together, I am certain that the concept of double standards would have popped up in class. A double standard is a principle or concept that in unfairly applied to different people or in this case groups of people. Double standards have been a pet peeve of mine since I found out what they were. I don’t like when women are told they cannot do something or are talked about negatively for something men do. This happens a lot in hookup. It’s often seen that a guy (usually in our age range) can have sex with 20 girls and nobody is phased by it and his friends praise him for it. When the roles are reversed and a girl sleeps with 5 guys, she is considered a hoe or slut. It is just mind-blowing to me because men can do whatever whenever and not be punished but a woman must remain a proper lady and be wholesome.
Key points my team made about social gender roles are that women are often shamed for sleeping with 5 or more people. A twitter poll that was made in May of 2019 asked participants “what do you think is the normal/acceptable body count for a lady?” Of 487 voters, 44% answered that 0-5 partners is the appropriate amount of sex partners a woman should have. It is unclear what majority of men and women or what age the participants were, but it shows how much women are shamed are talked about for having several partners, and how we are expected to be lady-like at all times.
In my personal experience, as far as gender roles, I constantly live the double standard because I am a cisgender woman. Yes, I have had multiple partners in my life, but that does not make me a hoe or slut especially because I did not know better and my emotions took over and I would get taken advantage of. I believe I am as classy as it comes for a lady at my age and I shouldn’t have to feel bad for the choices I made in the past. If a woman wants to live her life and sleep with 10 guys then so be it, but don’t make it into a thing where a man has multiple partners but when a woman does it she shamed for it. Make it equal.
As a class our overall definition covers a wide range of possible interpretations. Part of this definition is the social/ communicative aspect of how we should define hookup culture. We decided to include things like social media, dating apps, and intoxication as possible social inclusions too hookups. The communicative aspects that we decided to include in our definition were disclosure of STDs, ghosting, and sexting. For my personal definition I would say that more of these social components are relevant to me compared to the communicative.
Part of the class definition of hookup culture includes disclosure of STDs, and I have had a past experience that helped me to learn the impact of STDs and just how careful I have to be. I met a girl on an app and we decided to link up on a random Friday. I had been talking to her for about 3 days but it felt like a lot longer just because of how often and how much we talked about. When she finally showed up and we started to talk I felt like it was the exact same person that I had just spent so much time learning about. I felt like I knew her, so I decided to make a move. The next morning she brought up the fact that she had herpes but she knew I would be okay because it’s almost always dormant and cannot spread in that state. I was still surprised to hear this news. I wish she had told me before because I clearly remember asking her, and I wondered if she understood what I was asking about. I asked her and she said she knew but she decided to wait until after the moment because she didn’t want to scare me away. I felt let down by the situation because I trusted that she wouldn’t lie but she was confident that it wouldn’t affect me.
The source we are using to demonstrate the social and communicative aspects of hookup culture, is an info graphic in an article by Psychology Today titled ‘In Hookups, Alcohol Is College Students’ Best Friend’. The info graphic shows the relationship between the percent of sexual events and the amount of alcohol or marijuana used, as well as the partner type. We found this graph to be very informative and easy to read.
I don’t have any other relevant stories related to the social and communicative aspects of hookup culture.
For this week’s category, I think some relevant and dated information was revealed through the different articles and books we explored. Our class definition doesn’t really acknowledge a gendered lens in regard to what hooking up is, and I think this is okay as the act itself isn’t something that’s secluded to a particular person. Everyone has access or the opportunity to hook up with someone in their own way, but the social consequences that come from such an act do have gendered implications of bias.
The comments in Bogle in regard to the roles men and women take on were opinions I agreed with the least, simply because I think they’re centered in dated stereotypes and don’t accurately portray the power women have claimed over their bodies when engaging in casual sex. In chapter 8 of Bogle, I disagreed with her take that men are the main initiators when it comes to hooking up, and are most dominant in situations because in my experience I’ve been very forward when trying to meet up with people I was attracted to. I mostly used dating apps to communicate my interest, but even in the moments before the actual hook-up I was the initiator to “set the mood”. Perhaps because I was not intimidated by the people I interacted with, I was less hesitant to be forward with them. I have had friends that told me when they were with older men, they were more submissive because the felt less experienced than them.
I thought it was interesting data Castleman revealed when answering the question on if hook-ups exploit women because I think it reflects how I modernly understand the personal choice of wanting to engage in sex. For me, I’ve never been in a circumstance where I limited my pleasure for another person, or I gave into someone else’s needs in order to feel desirable; I wanted to have sex and I communicated my intentions to the person I was hooking up with. This is not to say I haven’t had awkward moments when leading up to a hook-up, but I’ve always been forward with expressing what I was at least looking for even when I didn’t fully know myself. I thought this was an interesting contrast from what Bogle addressed as exploitation by women feeling as though they are only wanted for their bodies now. I think this statement in Bogle is true, but I’d argue that there are women who exist that can simply want a man for sex and this isn’t exploitation because women are still most vulnerable when it comes to public scrutiny for their actions while men are always rewarded. The double standard and paradox of blaming women for acting on the same thing men do is still an ongoing issue.
Something that I think is very relevant to understanding the gendered disparities when hooking up is what Wade mentions as the orgasm gap because I think men typically do find more pleasure out of casual dating especially due to the lack of commitment that goes into it. I believe that pleasure is tied to intimacy, but because men are allowed to seek self-gratification they don’t put enough time into assuring that their sexual partners are actually satisfied by their performance. In the article, our group found titled, “Why the Young Are Falling out of Love with Sex.” the author associates the lack of satisfaction from hook up partners being the result of the hypersexualized digital age we live in because dating apps and pornography reflects idealized desires that don’t properly represent reality and therefore leaves people displeased (Strimpel 2019). I think this perspective does hold some truth and compliments the sexual double standards revealed by Wade (2017).
Throughout the past few weeks we have developed and discussed the gender role aspect of what hookup culture is. I really related to the class definition of “hookup” because it personally followed my beliefs of hooking up. Not only this; I also believe that the definition of hooking up is fluid and that also relates to my definition. I think that the definition being fluid allows individuals to identify and find their place inside the culture. This allows for everyone to connect on some level within the community. This all leads back to the connection people want from others.
I really enjoyed talking about the gender role party part of hooking up because this part affects almost everyone in some way. If certain people come off in the wrong way the hookup probably won’t happen. This can be seen in some extent with guys usually having to setup the hook up. Without his initial interaction sometimes, nothing will happen. This could happen from someone being too straight forward and scaring the potential person away. Another outcome could be that you don’t show your intentions at all leading to yourself entering a state of friend-zone or potentially nothing at all. This can happen if sometimes if some girls want to have the guy make the first move. Lastly this can change depending on what people want and what rules they have established for themselves. If someone doesn’t hook up on the first day knowing someone ever this could lead to a whole new situation that requires more work and effort to achieve whatever goal is intended.
This week the group discussion of hooking up led to many discoveries for our group. This later developed into many important discoveries about the gender role aspect. The process of hooking up involves a place to start. Whatever this place is on an app on your phone, or a bar/party we have to communicate in these situations. If some people do not understand the idea of a hook up this can make them have a completely different idea or feeling during these situations. Some ways gender roles affected apps is that most of the time girls wait for guys to message first. Other times like on bumble girls are given the opportunity to message first changing these gender roles a little. Furthermore, questions came up about what happens after the hookup. Does getting ghosted or even if people talk about you after it is done. These issues are seen as important but largely don’t cause too many problems for the culture. With this in mind we even noticed that there are this involve using a script as well. People have to talk their way into the situation sometimes and this can be a process and isn’t always successful. Not only this but different groups and people are all affected differently by these situations making it difficult to understand the full impact of gender roles.
One thing that was really interesting to me is that people get upset by hookup culture. This was really interesting to me because it shows that not everyone understands the rules of hooking up. Even more so even when people communicate there wants from a situation some people can still get the wrong idea. This can happen when someone says they only want to hookup and one party ends up getting attached for some reason even though they know what is going on. This can send the wrong message and make one party change their mind on everything. This violates the rules of hook up culture which could lead to the ghosting or other negative outcomes. This is why I feel hookups become complicated because not everyone is on the same page. This makes me think that people need a certain level of maturity to participate in the culture without experiencing any of the negative effects.
I think our class definition of hookup is very broad and general which is good because it means that it’s very inclusive. Our class came to the conclusion that our definition was “ a consensual, intimate, interaction between 2+ people without commitment,” and I loved that we incorporated the word “people” because even though it was a small detail, it made our definition very broad and very inclusive of everyone. Although there is a huge double standard when it comes to gender stereotypes, hooking up is the same amongst all genders, but there are “roles” and “scripts” that society tends to follow when it comes to hooking up
Growing up as a gay male, it took me a while to figure out who I was and what I liked when it came to sexual partners. I experimented with multiple different looks, but I didn’t really know who I was until like my sophomore year of college and my dating patterns were all over the place. Everyone has a type and I always find myself dating the more masculine guys because I was usually more feminine and that definitely does mirror the roles in the heteronormative relationship which I sometimes get backlash for. In the gay community, you sometimes get hate for trying to replicate a “heteronormative” relationship and I’m always having to defend myself, because I’m open to everything, but my dating patterns replicate that hetero relationship and that’s just how things work out. I’m all about dating whoever you want but that is kind of a weird double standard in the LGBTQ+ community
My team’s external sources on the topic were mostly all online articles. This is the topic perfect for online articles because there are so many recent, relevant articles that contain so much content and so many interesting ideas from so many different viewpoints.
In my personal world of hooking up on campus, the guys that I usually attract are the more dominant/alpha types of guys which is fun to a certain degree. If it’s just a hookup and nothing more, then a guy can be as dominant as he wants and I don’t care however, there is a line once that person wants to peruse a relationship with me my “hookup” personality and “regular” personality are very different and I feel like a lot of people are the same way. If an alpha male in the bedroom tried being like that on a normal day I would have to draw the line because I like being seen as equal and independent in a relationship. I would prefer to not be bossed around and called a dirty slut in a normal setting but that might just be a personal preference.
Just like in my past narratives, our definition of hookup culture states “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment.” This week’s discussion forums have been focused on the topic of gender roles. I feel like our definition doesn’t specifically go into that topic, but it also doesn’t cover the idea of how gender roles play a specific part in hookup culture.
We’ve had the discussion of how different groups aren’t incorporated into a lot of the data collected about hookup culture, which seems to be a trend with the gender topic as well. When I think about the era that my mother grew up in, they weren’t exactly thinking about how there could be more than two genders other than just male and female. Today, the generation I’m in, I’m learning about how there are so many more genders to include into hookup culture. But just because it’s being discussed today, does not mean that it’s accepted. There’s plenty of people that don’t believe it, or just aren’t informed of how there’s the possibility of there being more than two genders. For me, I’m totally accepting of people’s decisions of how they want to identify themselves and who they want to be, no matter how they were born.
Since we had changed our chapters after the first couple of weeks, we didn’t specifically discuss gender roles as a topic by itself. After the few discussion forums we had about gender roles, I found an interesting article from a student attending Dartmouth College that had some interesting points about the topic. The article, Gender Roles in Hookup Culture by Claire Callahan discusses the ‘idea is that men are typically the ones pursuing women in online dating apps, like Tinder.’ Personally, I agree, which I will talk more about later. What I want to discuss is the fact that only two genders are discussed in this article. Only male and female. I think it’s definitely important to create more data about other genders participating in hookup culture.
For me, it’s hard for me to include a new perspective on how gender roles play a part in hookup culture. As someone who was born a female and still identifies as a heterosexual female, I’ve only had encounters with heterosexual males. What I wanted to talk more about is the idea that men are pursuing women on dating apps like Tinder significantly more than women are. I feel like I can completely agree with this because I never message a guy first on Tinder. I usually wait until they do and then I decide if I want to reply or not. I hate to think that I’m following this gender role stereotype. It’s also interesting to see new dating apps that want to break the gender role stereotype, like Bumble, where the woman has to message first in order to start a conversation. But do we think society is changing with this? There’s plenty of people using Bumble, but is it enough?
Our class definition of hookup culture relates to gender roles in multiple ways. One of the main ideas of our class definition is the idea that a hookup is a consensual, intimate interaction without commitment. This, however, seems to get murky for some people when it comes to different genders. For example, girls are seen as always wanting some sort of commitment from a hookup whereas guys are in the hookup just for the hookup. I don’t believe that this is necessarily true so I do agree with our class definition that doesn’t specify anything regarding what roles different genders may take. This, once again, also doesn’t limit hooking up to certain genders or sexualities, which I believe is important since “hookup” culture is something that everyone can experience.
Some of the things that resonated with me regarding “hookup” culture and gender roles is the differing opinions and perspectives regarding who has what roles. Like I mentioned before, women have a certain notion that they always want commitment and are too emotional in order to be a part of hookup culture. This is a notion that is continuously perpetuated throughout both Bogle’s Hooking Up and Wade’s American Hookup. Both include interviews with students, both male and female, who agree with and speak about this concept. They also speak on how males only want hook ups and most who give interviews have no interest in dating. However, Castleman’s The Surprising Truth About Modern Hookups article goes against both Wade and Bogle. In this article, Castleman collected more recent statistics of college student hookups than Wade and Bogle’s early 2000’s focus. In these statistics, it showed that women would hope for commitment out of a hookup around 65% of the time while men hoped for it 45% of the time. While women hope for commitment more than men like both Wade and Bogle mentioned in their books, it’s not nearly as consistent as they make it out to be. Women don’t desire it 100% of the time and men desire it way more often than 0% of the time (2008; 2017).
My group found an article called “Hookup culture both dominates and diminishes self-worth” that correlated to the category gender roles, particularly to shame regarding “hookup” culture. It gave statistics regarding the sense of shame both men and women feel as well as other statistics such as the number of hookups you have and feelings of depression and loneliness. This is similar to Castleman’s article as he, too, had a section regarding shame in hookups, mostly women’s feelings of shame. Women tend to feel shame more often than men and also tend to be more shamed than men regarding “hookup” culture. The article also reflects, however, on dating apps and social media usage, connecting to our other category of social/communicative. These dating apps are helping both women and LBGTQ become more empowered and comfortable in the hookup scene. Hopefully, this helps reduce some of the shame that comes along with “hookup” culture as well as some of the more traditional gender roles within it.
My personal experience with hookup culture has followed more of a Castleman path rather than a Bogle and Wade path regarding my feelings on commitment. Since I’m a woman, I would be expected to be emotionally connected to those I’ve hooked up with. This isn’t necessarily true for everyone. I’ve had some hookups I’ve fallen for, such as my friends-with-benefits, but there’s others where I’ve had no problem with it just being a hookup. For example, in one hookup I had, it was the opposite case. One New Year’s Eve, I hooked up with a guy at a party. After that night, he wanted to try to form a relationship out of it. I, however, had no feelings whatsoever for him and only wanted it to be a one-night thing. I ended up having to turn him down multiple times because he was relentless, and ended up shaming me for hooking up with him and not wanting anything serious from it.
Our class has defined the hookup culture as a consensual intimate interaction that is sexual between two or more people without commitment. Given that this week’s focus is on gender roles within the hookup culture, this definition fits my personal definition rather well because it does list any information about gender roles. I personally do not believe that gender should define an individual’s role in the hookup culture. I am a heterosexual white male that is active in the hookup culture, but I do not always initiate the hookup. Honestly, the majority of the times it is initiated by the female that I am hooking up with and I prefer this way because I never want to place any pressure on someone to hookup. For me, hooking up is not a serious thing, but rather a fun activity that is pleasurable to both parties. Therefore, I would never want to seem pushy or desperate to hook up with an individual because it means more to other people then it does me.
Historically, gender roles have been quite clear in the past. Men are supposed to engage in courting and should make the first move, which is still pretty relevant in today’s culture as well. This being said, it is not as prevalent because gender roles seem to be diminishing in our current society. Personally, I know more than a few women that are quite clear about wanting to hookup and initiate it with whoever they want to hook up with. An article that I found also states that a straight woman they interviewed “…engages frequently in hookup culture largely due to her own boldness,” (Callahan 2018). I believe that this a rather new development within the hookup culture, and it is shattering the old-time gender roles that state that men should be calling the shots with women. I personally believe that this is a good change and that it is more empowering to women that are participating in the hookup culture. Ultimately, gender roles are changing from what they historically were and are putting the women involved in a better position of power.
My team has been conducting research on the different roles that gender roles play within the hookup culture and has found information that backs the claim that traditional gender roles are diminishing and that gender roles themselves are changing. One article I found discusses how one women that they interviewed attributes her frequent participation in the hookup culture to her being bold, in the sense of being direct with what she wanted, and being straight-forward (Callahan 2018). However, this is not a change that is across the board. One article states “…men and women incorporate societal norms into their daily life…” (Kozak 2018). So, while it seems that for some gender roles are changing and more-so empowering women, there still seems to be evidence that many are content with the traditional gender roles. There also still seems to be a sexual double-standard of judging/shaming women for participating in the hookup culture and praising men for the same action (Kozak 2018). Ultimately, gender roles seem to be changing in a lot of ways, but there is still a basis for traditional gender roles still at play.
My own personal experiences within the hookup culture that relate to gender roles has been rather interesting to reflect on. When I was younger, I stuck to the more traditional gender roles and thus I was always initiating the hookup and contacting people first. Then when I got to college this changed to me being more passive in the sense that I would let the female initiate the hookup. I would say that I prefer this way because I have made a lot of close friends that I never had sexual relations with because I simply allowed the “relationship” to take its course and see where it goes. Had I been trying to initiate hookups with these people, I would not have the same close friends that I have today. Another change that is relevant to this is that rather than having short-term hookups, which is what I used to have, this passive mindset on hooking up led to multiple long-term friends with benefits situations. Neither of us wanted a relationship but we enjoyed the physical relationship that we had so we just slept together. My own personal opinion on gender roles is that they will continue to diminish, and we will come to see women being the initiator or in other terms more in power. This is a change that has already started but will take time to really change in a large sense.
Our class definition of what hookup culture is, is broad enough to be inclusive, generalizable, and relevant to people of all variations. To be exact, our definition of hooking up is, “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment.” The word people, as I said, is extremely fitting to the entire population, men and women, and every other gender in between or beyond. For me, when thinking about the realm of gender roles in terms of hooking up, I think both our class definition, as well as my personal definition, are inclusive to all genders. To me, what hooking up is does not change between genders, but roles between genders may start to differ beyond just the surface level definition, such as what body counts mean and what is okay to wear and what’s not.
I think history is the primary reason that gender roles continue to be reinforced by society, in terms of both relationships and hooking up. For as long back as our history of hookup culture goes, men have been the dominant being in the interactions. Not only is this reinforced by men today, but also women today, even in 2020, do not do anything to break the stereotype of that. There is a stigma that men are the deciders of when, where, why, and how the relationship is going to be with a woman, and a woman’s job is just to ‘accept’ whatever they are given. I think us women have an inkling in our minds that we no longer want to be considered the weaker link in both relationships and hookups, however, there is not enough done to end the stereotypes, stigmas, and negativities of gender roles. Women are JUST as likely to decide they have no feelings for someone, JUST as likely to crave sex, and JUST as likely to be strong, decisive individuals.
In my team these past 2 weeks, we have taken a deep look into the gender roles expressed in both Lisa Wade and Kathleen Bogle’s novels, which both take on the perspective of describing hookup culture in college environments. Both authors, especially Lisa Wade, have entire sections of their books dedicated to identifying, discussing, and explaining gender roles, and what it means to be both a man AND to be a woman hooking up. In both books, it is important to note that both authors only take a perspective of a 2-gender world, as in they only discuss men and women. A common trend in both novels is that the perspective is given from that of a white, heterosexual male. Males are considered the Alphas, as in they make all of the decisions regarding sexual relations. I think it’s interesting that even in the 21st century, even though the novels are a few years old, that there is stuff an emphasis on the traditional way of hooking up. It’s just clear evidence that we are writing this book for the greater good, discussing how 1. Gender roles vary, 2. They are socially constructed, and 3. How much has changed since the first writing of these books.
In my personal experience of the hookup world here at MSU, guys that think they are the Alpha are an immediate turn off for me. I like to be able to be considered as JUST an equal in the sexual encounter, as I was literally the other half of it. I like to reestablish to the men that I’m hooking up with that I’m not their typical submissive girl, and I will gladly stick up for myself – before, during, AND after!
During this two-week period, our course has focused its research, discourse, and studies on gender roles in relation to hookup culture. Our class collectively defined hookup as “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between two or more people without commitment.” It is evident that this definition does not mention or include gender roles as they relate to hookup culture. When I personally define hookup culture my definition is genderless due to hookup culture not having a gender prerequisite in order to engage in it. Any gender is able to engage in hookup culture however, the act of hooking up may vary depending on one’s gender. One gender maybe more limited than another when engaging in hookup culture although, it is possible that a certain gender has more freedom when it comes to hooking up.
After studying this week’s category of hookup culture I’ve realized but there is great bias in the research we are currently assessing. When you look at the research of Wade and Bogle, they both tend to mention how women are more likely to get attached in hookup culture however, I personally disagree with that notion. Regardless of your gender, anyone is able to gain an emotional attachment to another person when hooking up. One thing that did resonate with me during this two-week period is that there are individuals who still believe in double standards in regard to genders. For example, my group interviewed another college student for an assignment and a few of the questions pertained to gender roles. During the interview, the college student stated that males should have a higher body count then females, insinuating that it is not socially acceptable for women to have as many sexual partners as men. I was aware that this was a double standard however I was surprised that this double standard still holds truth to certain people, given that we attend a school that is a bit more liberal than others.
After reviewing my team’s external sources, the documentary, Swiped: Hooking Up in the Digital Age, discusses gender roles in further details as it relates to hookup culture. The documentary highlights how men typically dominate hookup culture due to the fact that it is mainly men who produce dating apps that lead to hooking up. Our team also found a Twitter poll that surveyed the acceptable body count for a woman. Out of 487 votes, 44% of participants stated that women should have between 0 to 5 sexual partners. It is my assumption that this is for their entire lifetime. This goes to show how different genders experience hookup culture differently and how certain genders may deal with various barriers when attempting to engage in this culture.
From my personal experience I do recognize that gender roles are an essential component in hookup culture however, I do not agree with the stereotypes or double standards that come with them. For example, I have previously engaged in hookup culture where I have developed an emotional attachment for the other person, and I identify as a cis male. My personal experience goes to show that not only women develop emotional attachments, debunking the views of Wade and Bogle. Lastly the double standards within hookup culture are essentially problematic since people have sexual expectations of others in regard to experience. Although you can improve your sexual experience with few individuals, a person is more likely to gain much more experience with multiple people as opposed to one or two individuals. After being with multiple sex partners, I have developed great knowledge on what I like and dislike and also, how to please other people when I hook up.
I don’t think that our definition of hook up connects to the category of gender roles. It was purposeful to not include gender in the definition in an attempt to include all identities and sexualities.
There were multiple topics brought up this week that I resonated with. I’m a woman and the majority of the topics brought up were relating to women. I’ve personally experienced sexism within hook up culture and have witnessed my roommates also be shamed. Slut-shaming is still very much alive and women are shamed for their behavior while men are praised.
For the category of gender roles, my group found a book called Know My Name. It is a memoir from a woman who shamed after a sexual encounter and follows her through the aftermath of it all. It is a great testimonial from someone who’s been through it all.
As a woman, I do feel pressure to act a certain way. However, I have also caught myself thinking judgmental things about other women and their sexual choices. I think the idea of gender roles is a social construct that is so prevalent in our society that it will be hard to eliminate completely. I have noticed a shift begging to happen but there is still a long road ahead of us.
Our class definition of “hookup” is, a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment. This definition is very similar to how I would define hookup in hookup culture today. In my personal experience, I feel gender roles is a huge part of hookup culture and how it is viewed by many people. There is a notion that men control hookups and are the ones who should decide what happens. Guys are always supposed to make the first move and are known to be the ones to end hookups once they get bored of them. Girls in general aren’t seen to be the more dominant ones when it comes to hooking up.
A lot of guys hook up to show and tell their friends about it. According to Currier, he argues that for men there is “a hyper-focus on heterosexuality and sexual activity, and the importance of bonding with or impressing other men, much more than bonding with or impressing women”. This is something that is very prevalent through men that have not typically matured yet and are not ready for a relationship.
Another part of hookup culture is the relationship between girls and how other girls view each other. Being a woman is difficult, other women are sometimes not the nicest when it comes to hookup culture. In a recent study by Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it found that both men and women judge promiscuous women. They found that even promiscuous women judged promiscuous women. The judging when it comes to women in hookup culture is a huge part on if women feel comfortable hooking up or not.
Overall, gender roles factor a lot into hookup culture throughout all ages. Being a girl or a guy are very different from each other and shape stereotypes and stigmas associated with hookup culture.
As we have delved into many different facets of “hookup culture” we always seemingly come up dry in one area, gender roles. This could be for many different reasons, the authors of our books are both heterosexual women with like viewpoints, LGBTQ insiders haven’t come out during our class time and we also still see repercussions of traditional 1950 stereotypical roles of men and woman despite how far we have come throughout the last decade. In my opinion our class definition of hookup culture as a “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment” fails to incorporate gender roles and also leaves out the LGBTQ community altogether.
History can be our best friend, it allows us to truly see our heritage and coming of age, it allows us to see a glimpse of how far we have come and sadly, upon reading Bogle and Wade and searching hard for perspective on “gender roles”, I felt unable to escape the same misandrist viewpoint and the same “woe is me” sputter. As a heterosexual female I was left feeling weak, exploited and used for a moment as I tried to reason with what I read from our assigned chapters this week. One question that raced through my mind was “is this really true?”, “am I really just play toy at the disposal of men?,” “how can we change this mindset in boys starting from a young age?”, “is this something that the human population can outgrow like racism, or homophobia?” Just like the question “How many licks to the center of a tootsie pop?” the world may never know, UNLESS WE TRY! Another aspect of what I believe put me in my momentary fog was that I had also noticed the trend in my “close male encounters” where the guy leaves me feeling dumb and objectified even though I felt that we had a strong relationship prior to. I certainly believe that we still have a lot of traditional thoughts around genders and as mentioned praise heterosexual males for showing triumph over women, as this seems to be a source of validation in the “man world.”
My group’s external sources were drawn from personal interviews with two heterosexual women. Upon being asked if she was a part of “hookup” culture Girl A (20) exclaimed, “Yes I am a whore.” Although this seems down putting, she also added that “I think feminism almost normalized hookup culture so that men and women are on a more level playing field.” Girl B (21) explained that she thought “hookup culture is dying due to women asking for more respect for themselves and holding themselves to higher standards.” So alas, we still do not have a concrete answer on “who initiates” hookup culture and if one gender dominates the “game” more so than the other… which leads me to believe that these variables strictly rely upon the character of the person that someone is hooking up with.
As stated in the forum, my personal experiences regarding this week’s category of “gender roles” falls mostly on the traditional side. I believe the orthodox views that my parents and grandparents hold on “men go to work; women stay at home and cook” kind of blurs my whole vision of feminism. Yet, I can also see how apps such as tinder and snapchat evens this playing field of hooking up. All of my experiences with men, outside of a dating relationship and within a dating relationship have proven that men are seemingly hornier than women. I believe that this definitely affects the motivation for males to hookup more than women and also creates this “mental and physical game” for males that ends up either promoting or denoting their self-esteem. I do not have many or really any LGBTQ friends to gain information from but do believe that we need to incorporate more from this group because our sources are a bit one-sided as of now.
This category has been my favorite to discuss, reflect on, and learn more about so far. I definitely went into these past two weeks with lots of prior knowledge and experience regarding gender roles in hookup culture, so it was interesting to expand on that knowledge and share my views.
First off, I’ll start by reflecting on the personal experience that sticks out the most to me when it comes to gender roles and hooking up. I definitely believe that men possess much more of the ‘power’ aspect of hooking up. For example, in my experience, they are almost always the ones to initiate it and also the ones to stop it (“it” being the relationship and the actual act of hooking up). Whenever I hook up with a guy, it’s always because he texted me first and asked, or because he approached me first. As a woman, I just have never felt comfortable, safe, or confident enough to take that power into my own hands (unless alcohol is involved). I feel as though a lot of men just tend to have more confidence than women when it comes to hooking up and finding sexual partners, which leads them to usually being the one who initiates things.
Another thing I seem to experience is that men receive a lot more praise than women for having multiple sexual partners. If a girl has a “high body count” (a larger number of sexual partners), she’ll often get judged and degraded, by men specifically (in my experience, at least). However, when a man has a large number of sexual partners, he’ll tend to get praised for it and people won’t even bat an eye. It’s unfair and wrong, but that’s how it seems to go in a lot of situations.
One of the things I looked into online that I can also relate to is the so called “orgasm gap.” A study was conducted involving 800 college students and found that 91% of men reported usually or always experiencing an orgasm during sex, compared to only 39% of women (Mintz). Although I knew there was definitely a gap, those numbers shocked me. Why is there such a huge gap? I think it goes back to the idea of men simply having more power when it comes to hooking up and hookup culture in general. A man’s orgasm seems to always be deemed more important than a woman’s, and that contributes to his increased “power” over the woman. From personal experience, I know for a fact that we’re conditioned to have sex with the mindset that the man orgasming is more crucial than the woman orgasming. If a woman orgasms before the man and is probably ready to just be done (not usually a common occurrence), the sex doesn’t stop. It almost always continues, because it’s THAT important for a man to orgasm during sex. I’m making some generalizations here based on my own personal experiences, but the orgasm gap is a real thing that furthers unequal gender roles and power in hookup culture.
In conclusion, gender roles in the hookup world are very real and I wish that everyone would try and work to get rid of those norms and roles, because some of them can be very demeaning, degrading, and harmful.
Over the past two weeks, our class has been discussing how gender roles affect the idea of “hooking up”. While looking at a few texts that explain better how these two concepts interact with each other, I believe I definitely got a better understanding on how gender roles connects as well as disconnects to our definition of a “hookup.” Our class definition of what “hooking up” is looks like this: “Hookup” culture is a consensual and intimate interaction that is sexual and is between two or more people without any prior or current commitment to each other.
While my team and I have not really come together to come up with any external sources, I have found an article on my own that perfectly sums up how gender roles play a part in “hookup” culture. This article is called “Gender Roles in Hook Up Culture” by Claire Callahan. This article focuses on interviewing different students at Dartmouth College and their experiences and thoughts about their “hookups”. I chose this article because it really digs into the Greek life system at that college and how men and women are affected differently. There was a certain point in the article that a woman was being interviewed and I thought it was very interesting. “Because of traditional gender roles, Sally enjoys initiating casual sex”, “Sometimes it’s totally a really wonderful power trip, the woman being the aggressor,” she said. “You’re like, ‘I am in control,’ and when you think about hookup culture, that’s not necessarily what you think of.” I thought this quote was interesting because even if Sally didn’t directly mention it, she’s hinting that the opposite sex usually is in control of “hookups”. This is very common to think of when talking about gender roles and “hooking up”.
My personal experiences with gender roles and “hooking up” makes me think back to the time I first met my now boyfriend here at Michigan State. It was at a frat party during the beginning of my freshmen year. We started talking because I initiated conversation because I wanted to get to know more people since I was out of state and didn’t know many people. One thing led to another and I always felt as if I were in control because I initiated the “hookups” as well. I think this control aspect is fairly different in different situations. I don’t think it is fair to say men take control more than women because that’s not always the case.
For Week 11 we were focused on the theme of gender roles. In hookup culture, gender roles play an extremely important role in how we see and how different people define the hookup culture. There is always going to be different views from different genders in regards to hookup culture. As I was reading through other students replies, one of the things that was mentioned was everyone’s different definitions of hooking up when our class was trying to define what a hookup truly was. Although we all have the same similar ideas of what a hookup is, there were some differences between the girls and guy’s answers on defining hookups. As for comparing my personal definition to the class definition, I would say they are both extremely similar to each other. I’m not going to lie, the multiple gender construct of society now does confuse me a bit. In no way am I discriminating or would ever discriminate against a certain gender, I just solely don’t understand. There is a difficult line in including all genders or just not including gender at all because hooking up can partake between any two+ genders.
When looking at our readings, both Bogle and Wade mention gender roles and gender stereotypes very often (although they are just male and female roles). Although the readings both mention the gender roles, I think they are roles that a lot of us students already know the stereotypes and “usual” outcomes from hookups. In both Bogle and Wade, they mention that women usually get attached and are the ones who generally develop and emotional connection to the person that they are hooking up with. The other thing that is mentioned by Bogle is that women are generally the ones who feel embarrassed or self-conscious about hooking up with someone random. On the opposite side of things, according to Bogle and Wade men are generally proud and praised when they hookup with someone random from the bar. I do generally find this to be true as I have lived in a fraternity house for 2 years so seeing women do the “walk of shame” or run out of the house embarrassed the next morning was a very common sight. Although, if men don’t hookup with someone who their friends think is good thinking I think that they get just as much, if not more, hate/criticism from their friends than women do. This is one of the gender roles that I don’t necessarily agree with. Although women are often shamed for hooking up with a lot of men and men are often praised for the opposite, I don’t think that friends play a large role in that “shaming”. In class we discussed and said that women often get more shamed by their friends but I think men get shamed just as bad.
In terms of personal experience, I think that gender roles are still present in today’s culture of hooking up. Although I feel like the gender roles of hookup culture are getting a bit vaguer and less obvious, they are still very noticeable. I had never really participated in hookup culture until college, being a senior has made me see it all. While not all gender roles and gender stereotypes are necessarily bad, I still believe that there is a need to discuss the stereotypes that generations before us have created.
For this 2 week period, we discussed gender roles within hookup culture. I think our definition, a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between two or more people without commitment. While our definition states what hookup culture is, it doesn’t necessarily address gender roles. I identify as a straight female and there is definitely a stigma around girls in the hookup culture world
Historically, at least in my mind, men control the hookup. They tend to initiate and decide where it goes even when the girl thinks differently. The girl may want to keep things going whereas the guy may even try to avoid her in hopes of her not ‘catching feelings’. This fully creates gender roles in hookup culture. Men have the power, and women are the sensitive followers. I believe that this shouldn’t exist. I think that the two or more people participating in that specific hookup should be equals no matter what gender. While times are adjusting to girls participating and initiating hookups, there is still a major difference on who controls the relationship.
While my team didn’t get together to find external sources, we did talk about it shortly in class. We all talked similarly about what I discussed before, that men typically hold control. The men in my group agreed that this is not how it should be but it is true that it happens a lot. We weren’t sure how to get this to change but we did agree that times have changed in not judging women as much for participating, so maybe in the future it’ll be different.
I haven’t experience discrimination for gender roles in regard to hookup culture, but I have experienced the feeling of being lesser. It is hard to break out of the cycle of letting the guy take control. In the future I would like to change my mindset and be more confident in the fact that I do also have power in the relationship, whatever it may be. I can only hope that the stigma will change and that partners will be equal no matter what gender.
During the first two weeks of class, we created our definition of “hookup” culture. I think while making this definition, our class was trying their hardest not to bring up gender roles. What i mean by this is that we engage in hookup culture and can laugh at relatable memes about how the guy wants nothing to do with the clingy girl, but none of that is brought up in this PC definition. I am not trying to rip on guys here, in fact, I’m trying to call out the fact that this definition almost seems fake coming from us. However, this definition still holds true because when you consider groups like the LGBTQ+ community, the things that tend to happen in straight hookups don’t hold true to all hookups. But do LGBTQ+ people follow the same gender roles straight hookups face? No, not really. So technically, there are gender roles for straight women, straight men, queer women, bisexual men, etc. And then you can consider the religious groups if you want to go even further, which i am not going to do. I would say that ultimately, gender roles do not tie with this definition as people of different categories will feel different gender roles during a hookup, and none of them are referenced in our definition. Personally, I don’t feel like the gender roles of a bisexual woman are lined up here, either (except for maybe the 2+ people if you even count that).
My past with gender roles is pretty abnormal. I went through a time where I was confused with my sexuality and thought that I was a gay female. I can recall feeling pressured to either fit the stereotype of butch or femme (super masculine vs super feminine). I ended up feeling like I had to be a masculine queer woman. Because of this, I started feeling like I had to dress less flowery (which wasn’t a problem considering how emo I looked lol). I even began making more dark humored jokes and felt like I had to be more extroverted to fit the fit. I felt like I had to care less about creating meaningful relationships and more about flirting and trying to “attract a mate”. Looking back, I don’t really hate myself for conforming. This is probably because it was the first time I was MY ideal. Even if I was fitting a stereotype, that stereotype isn’t one that I was pressured to put on by/for everyone else; I felt pressured by my own self. After discovering that I am bisexual, I found myself pressured to go back to a straight female look. I think this is because I felt much less intensity to be either femme vs butch.
My Team chose our external sources to be a scholarly article and a YouTube video. The article goes deep about how women feel less care from their hookup partners and are more prone to sexual regret. It also talks about how this might be because women tend to hook up with a person once and only once or they would hookup with people they have just met within 24 hours. I agree with the fact that this may be why most women tend to regret more. However, I think women were made to care more emotionally in general, and that can seep into hookups and regret. The article goes on to show how hookups are and are not inconsequential for women. The YouTube video is a small podcast snippet discussing why heterosexual women and men tend to feel shamed for the booty call and how they each feel. This video does give insight in how men and women feel, but ultimately doesn’t go deeper into the topic of college hookups.
Over the past several weeks I have felt the way I look at the definition of “hookup” has changed quite a bit. My personal definition is the same as that, but could include more information about gender roles; example “hookup” depends on the gender the individual identifies with. The definition our class uses doesn’t directly relate to the category of gender roles, but it is simple to apply the ideology of gender roles to the definition. Each gender and individual approaches and deals with “hookup” culture in a different way.
The history of gender roles has not changed much in my opinion. Women are still looked at in a way where they should be more laid back and do what the male asks/wants. Obviously, individuals are more understanding that gender roles are as not as big/followed. In Bogle I did found she seems to have the same views as others. The only issue I found was she tends to leave some genders out. One of the points that resonated with me in her book was when she mentioned how women tended to look at men’s monetary with, but now it is not as cared about. Nowadays females tend to look at other qualities men have. I think the monetary worth factor does play some of a role, meaning some females do only care about money or vice versa with men. Bogle is just referring to the bigger picture.
My team had a limited amount of resources for the category of gender roles. We used Bogle’s book “Hooking up.” The best part about her book is that most of the categories are mentioned in the book; there is lots of intersectionality. Bogle talks a lot about virginity as well. For both genders virginity used to be a big deal, meaning people were prided over being virgins. Whereas now people tend to be shamed for being a virgin and it is a constant discussion. I think the shift also has something to do with less people practicing religion. I know with the few of my friends that are still virgins are also very religious and were raised learning you should be a virgin until you are married. Obviously, the reasons vary, but it is an interesting thought. I do have a friend that isn’t religious but is still a virgin and he says he is because he wants to be. I truly believe him. I think this just like everything else should be up to the individual.
Throughout my time in college I have had zero experiences in “hookup” culture as I have been in a committed relationship. From the standpoint of gender roles it is easy to comment on it even while being in a relationship. My perspective is that individuals should be able to freely decide what they want their role to be and should not have those roles set dependent on their gender. I think the idea of gender roles had shifted quite a bit; our generation does not focus on gender roles as much, for instance women play a huge part in the workforce and do not follow the typical gender role of staying home. While some of the newer gender roles that come along with social media and the changes within society are still being seen. Most of my girlfriends that participate in the “hookup” culture follow the general gender role of wanting that relationship from a single “hookup” or feel that by “hooking up” they will be ever to get the person to be their significant other.
In this two-week period, our IAH 231B class focused on the way gender roles affect a hookup scenario. This would include who initiates it (if at all), who is the more reserved vs. the confident one in a pursuit of a hookup, along with how a person is supposed to act once a hookup is over. In my personal view, gender roles play a massive role in deciding if 1 or both (or more) people involved in the encounter are able to walk away from the hookup without a desire for more commitment. This is a huge factor in if a hookup is clean because once one person wants more from the casual sex act, then problems arise.
A large part of the hookup scene comes down to who initiates the first move. Stereotypical gender roles would classify the guy as the one who initiates, while the girl would be the gatekeeper, meaning she ultimately has the power to say whether or not the hookup occurs. Since guys are painted as the initiators, they are viewed as more abrasive and cold one than the girl who is supposed to be the dainty, flower-like, and sensitive one. When two people decide to hookup, the roles in today’s age are able to be switched. This was uncommon back in the day because if a girl was to go up to a guy and offer a hookup, she would have a scarlet letter attached to her. Over the years, society has accepted females to be the initiators if they so choose. There is less stigma for a female to have a sexual encounter because we are just finally starting to allow women to explore their sexual desires, which is something that should have been done a long time ago.
When researching the topic of gender roles in our individual groups, mine found a source called “A Lot of Women Don’t Enjoy Hookup Culture – so Why Do We Force Ourselves to Participate?” by Leah Fessler, which went into detail and highlighted the different ways that women feel about hookups and how they view the culture. In the article, it is noted that when women hookup, they believe there is potential for that interaction to lead to a stable relation, whereas men just see it as a hookup, and that’s all. I feel like this is how people generally view women to be when participating in a hookup, but I think that is unfair and not always true. It is very rare for society to talk about what happens when a man wants more out of a hookup when the women doesn’t, and I think that would be something interesting to go into detail about since little is known on that topic.
I can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve hooked up with someone, and all of those times, it didn’t end it sex, which is totally okay with me and actually how I prefer it. Once of the times that I did hookup, I met a guy at a friend’s house party, and we hit it off and were talking all night. Later in the evening, we were both upstairs, and I decided to flip the gender roles and be the one to initiate the hookup, so I did. We ended up making out in the bathroom for a little while, and it was all good fun, but after we never talked much and parted our separate ways, which is the goal of a hookup. I honestly felt a tinge of empowerment because I was able to be in control of the situation, when usually I’m not (this refers to situations outside of hookups too). That hookup boosted my confidence and I learned that night if there was something I wanted, to just go for it because the outcome may be good, and I’d rather live a life full of “Oh well’s” than “What if’s.”
For the last couple weeks we have been discussing gender roles within hookup culture, most of that has been what is stereotyped. But in my experience, there stereotypes in gender roles within hookup culture are there for a reason—they are there because they are true. Maybe not all stereotypes concerning gender roles in hookup culture are true, but as a general statement, the stereotypes about gender roles within hookup culture are correct. Men are seen as the initiators as well as the terminators of a relationship. Women spend so much time tweaking their appearance to look good for their partners, while men do the bare minimum. Men are more concerned with their orgasm than they are if the woman orgasms—a woman orgasm during a hookup is just a “plus.” I never realized how prevent gender roles really are until this section of our class. I never realized how much men play a part in the hookup game. They are the conductors- men start, direct, and end the hookup.
Looking back on my personal experiences, men had all of the control in both hookups and relationships. I have only ended a handful of relationships (hookup partners and actual relationships), and in those instances I was seen as a major bitch. It went against the “natural order.” However, when a man ended a relationship I was (mostly) fine, I never called him names or told him off—I said I understand I went my separate way. The only ex-hookup partners or ex-boyfriends I have ever had to block (either their social media or their phone number) was men I broke things off with. I think the fact that men are expected to control the order of a relationship means that in some cases if it does not play out like they believe it should they do not know how to act.
It may sound like I am being rather pessimistic about gender roles and the stereotypes within hookup culture. But that is not the case I am trying to make, I believe the gender roles are important and hookup culture might fall apart without them. My point of naming some of the problems with the stereotypes within hookup culture is to bring light that actions cannot go unchecked. It is fine to fall into stereotypical gender roles as long as you still have respect and human decency. As participants in hookup culture you have to realize what your actions mean to others, it is not all about the sex. Sex is obviously very important in hookup culture– but you have to remember there is another living, breathing person at the other end of the hookup.
I feel that while the class definition of “‘hookup’ culture is a consensual, intimate interaction between 2+ people, without commitment,” it doesn’t really delve into the idea of gender roles, hookups themselves have a lot to do with gender roles. The elements of shame, stereotypes, and body count all have to do with this idea of what hookup culture really is. Many times, people, usually women, feel shame following a hookup due to the way society has ingrained in the minds of many this idea that women are supposed to be these pure beings. There is also the stereotype that men are supposed to be the ones in control of a hookup, and that they should be the ones to initiate it. Also, women are stereotyped into the idea that they are overly emotional and always get attached during a hookup. While there’s nothing wrong with having different emotions during/following a hookup, it is not fair to assume that all women are this way. Likewise, we shouldn’t assume that all men are these emotionless beings who just want to have sex. On top of this, there is the idea that it’s cool for men to have a high body count, while if a woman has a high body count, they are considered a “slut.”
Gender roles greatly tie to the other categories, specifically psychological. The subcategories within the psychological categories that overlap with gender roles are emotional suppression / catching feelings, body image, and gender differences. The stereotypical idea that women are the only ones who “catch feelings” has a lot to do with the gender roles assigned by society. Women are also “supposed to be” (according to society) these perfect beings (looks and behavior), so body image also has a lot to do with this category, as well. Also, it’s obvious that the subcategory of gender differences has to do with gender roles.
I personally have never experienced any shaming for hookups; however, I have felt ashamed of dancing with guys at parties. Society has brainwashed me into thinking that me dancing at parties makes me a slut, which is so wrong. Deep down, I know that I have nothing to be ashamed of, but every time I think of what other people could possibly be thinking, I get upset. Another way that I relate to this category is my history of easily “catching feelings” for guys. While I’ve never been involved in a hookup, I have had times where I’ve “caught feelings” for someone who I shouldn’t have (cause we didn’t have that type of relationship).
For the last two weeks of material we began covering the category of gender roles within the topic of hookup culture. Prior to this focus we, as a class, came up with a universal definition of hookup culture for the duration of the semester. I don’t think our definition particularly incorporates gender roles because when I think of that category I think of the way each gender approaches a hookup. My personal definition of hookup culture would include what we have already created but also include more about the approach people have to hookup cultures or tools people use to aid in that approach.
I don’t think there is a major difference throughout history of hookup culture that applies to gender roles. I do think that there are different groups now a day that maybe weren’t as prevalent back then, which could create different sorts of gender roles such as in the LGBTQ community. Pressure to hook up in college and the stigma against different gender within hookup culture is also something I feel hasn’t changed throughout history. This is more present now than it most likely was in the past, but there is an expectation for how people dress when they go out to find a hookup or to meet someone they are hooking up with, or what gender should be doing what.
We didn’t have a specific source for this category because it was added on after we had completed the assignment. But I did find an article by Claire Callahan in the Dartmouth that was about gender roles within “hookup” culture. Claire talks about the roles of Greek life and how that effects the gender roles. She talks about how a gay man in a fraternity finds it harder to embrace his sexuality and be able to truly act like himself in seeking a hookup with involved with the frat. I haven’t personally experienced this but there is a stigma that certain people are meant to be masculine and certain people are meant to be feminine.
I have not experienced the stigma with gender roles related to hookup culture and the standards associated with that. I have experienced men just trying to get off without thinking about what the girl needs. The specific gender roles that we have talked about in class are not something that I have personally experienced.
The topic we focused on this week was gender roles. Although we did not specifically mention gender roles in our definition, it is important to discuss how gender roles play a factor in “hookup” culture.
Stereotypes have followed gender roles throughout history. For example, in Chapter 8 Bogle talks about how women want to turn a hookup into a relationship (2008). While this is probably true for some girls, it is not true for everyone. Also, I know of some guys that go into a hookup just looking for sex but end up in a relationship because of it. This is just one example of how people are supposed to follow these roles. Another stereotype that was talked about in the text was shaming someone for being a virgin (2008). This is not right as everyone should respect each other’s decisions no matter what you believe in.
As far as external sources for this week’s topic, our group discussed how we could come up with questions that relate to gender roles in our survey. We came up with questions to determine how much gender roles influence people involved in hookup culture.
Personally, I think that gender roles are still very relevant on college campuses. In my experience guys are still expected to initiate contact whether that be starting the initial conversation or buying a drink. I also believe that most guys are just looking to hook up with as many people as possible, while girls are more interested in a consistent hookup or relationship. Gender roles play a huge role in hookup culture and it has been interesting learning more about them this past week.
For the last couple of weeks, the class has been researching and discussing gender roles and how they relate to hookup culture. I think this topic is really interesting for me, because, not being a straight man or woman, I have a more “outsider” kind of perspective on these things. It’s also interesting, because in some ways, I feel that gay people will try to emulate straight gender roles. Anyways, that there are gender roles in hookup culture is undeniable. The culture revolves around sexual intercourse, which has traditionally been thought of as something happening between a man and a woman. Of course, in recent years, we’ve come to understand that gender and sexuality aren’t quite as a rigid as previously thought, but for the most part, in most contexts, for most people, when we think of sex, the first thing that comes to mind is sex between a man and a woman. I think this is the same for hookup culture. When we think of hookup culture, we tend to imagine frat boys, at frat houses, with hot girls, and both parties on the prowl for consensual sex. So, there are bound to be gender roles in hookup culture. The “hookup” is inherently gendered.
I think, however, gender roles in hookup culture, for those newly entering the hookup culture, are often difficult to decipher. Several of the authors we’ve read in this class have touched on the idea of “unspoken rules.” That is why, to me, gender roles maybe don’t readily present themselves. Yes, how sexual intercourse between a man and a woman takes place is not a guessing game, but the term “gender roles” refers to much more than the physicality of things. Gender roles in the hookup culture are about who approaches who, they’re about how gender might determine attire, they’re about interpersonal perceptions, and just about any aspect of gender politics in the hookup culture. To me, the best way to describe gender roles is how one thinks about oneself and others, considering gender. For example, men may perceive women to often become emotionally invested in people that are just “hookups.” This certainly seems to be one of the defining thought processes relating to gender in the hookup culture. Women may also have these thoughts about other women. The reason that I say gender roles come from self-perceptions and perceptions of others, is that we often internalize gender roles. I sometimes wonder, if women didn’t internalize stereotypes of over-emotionality and attachment issues, would men still hold onto this belief? Sometimes I wonder, if, for women, it becomes almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, subconsciously, women think, “ok, I’m a woman, and women are supposed to look for relationships over hookups, so it makes sense that I would develop feelings for someone I was only supposed to be having meaningless sex with.” I wonder if, even for girls who are avid participants in the hookup culture, sometimes that stereotype just leaks into their mind and they let it dictate their emotions. I also wonder if the stereotype of men not developing feelings for hookups more so reflects a fear of emotions or maybe a fear of being with a “promiscuous” woman, than a true lower chance of developing feelings or heightened ability keep certain relationships strictly physical. To me, masculinity and femininity are not mutually exclusive. I believe masculinity almost exists on the spectrum of femininity, but femininity does not exist on the spectrum of masculinity. By that, I mean that, to me, masculinity is more so a rejection of femininity. That is why, to me, I believe that the stereotype of men not developing feelings for “hookup” partners may, in reality, not reflect the natural human element to all of this. That is, the stereotypical feminine behaviors in hookup culture of being overly emotional, developing feelings, and being “crazy,” are the responses that are most natural to us, irrespective of gender, and the male stereotypes are a rejection of these responses. However, there’s also the problem of whether these stereotypes actually hold true to reality. Because, then, the argument I’m making falls pretty flat. How can what is traditionally thought to be feminine behavior in the hookup culture be the natural human response, if this response doesn’t actually occur that often? Class discussions seem to suggest that everyone is pretty good at keeping things strictly physical… I guess, though, this could still reflect fears that we all have. Like, maybe, although we associate that fear with one gender, we actually all have this fear of “catching feelings” for a “hookup” partner. I can see this, because it’s like, once you’ve already had sex with them, if you end up developing feelings for them, it feels almost wrong. I think people in general need to take sex less seriously, but I also understand that it is a special moment when it’s with someone you have feelings for, especially the first time. It contradicts the dating script. You have sex with someone, and then you develop feelings…and then? “But I already had sex with the-…” What happens after that? Do the dating and hookup scripts exist in the same culture, or at least simultaneously, if not in the same culture? And perhaps the two are not compatible with one another, and you can’t switch between the two with the same person, it causes tension. I think because of our evolution and our coming to see intercourse, particularly the first in a relationship, as this sacred thing, we react negatively when it feels as though it’s been spoiled or contaminated with someone that we have feelings for. And maybe we start to associate that person with those negative feelings, and that is why we don’t look for relationships with hookup partners?
I think gender roles in the hookup culture are interesting, because they bring into the discussion the age-old “nature versus nurture” psychology debate. Are these stereotype that we hold a result of our environments or are these stereotypes reflective of true biology-rooted differences between the genders. Is it a combination of the two? Could it be the case that our evolutionary predispositions almost set the foundation for these kinds of stereotypes to form, and we create an environment that reaffirms these stereotypes in the developing mind?
Before we went in depth with hookup culture, our class had to collectively define what it exactly was: “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment.” This accurately describes what it is, but does not go into the “strings that are attached” before, after or during the hookup. Personally, my definition of a hookup is accurately described above since it’s just a broad generalization of the act. Once we get into the categories/elements, some may find themselves agreeing/disagreeing with the ideas, which is perfectly fine because to each their own.
This week’s focus under the psychological category was gender roles. Wade and Bogle’s novels are a bit outdated on information, but to summarize their views on it: men are more physical while the women are more emotional (2008; 2017). This resonated with me the most because it makes the woman seem lesser than a man, which could be completely opposite. In today’s time, the woman can be just as or even more than the man. The gender roles aren’t exactly fair either, but they’ve been passed down through time which allows for toxic masculinity and underdeveloped emotions. I’ve noticed that the ideas that stick with me the most between all the categories are the ones that I don’t agree with because it makes me remember that everyone has their own preferences.
Our team had briefly talked about gender roles in class when we would be discussing the differences/similarities each “gender” was stigmatized to do. We didn’t really use sources whenever we did that since we would just base it off of our own experiences. For our previous categories we did have different sources but decided to focus on a Tumblr blog that contained all sorts of different people’s opinions about hookups being normalized in everyday media, friends with benefits, and included some statistics as well. We also noticed that gender roles have no reason to actually exist and that there’s nothing holding them in place except people’s thoughts.
A few categories that I related to the most within these 2 weeks is definitely psychological weight/body image and social/communicative in the social media aspect. As a teenager with body image issues, social media portrayed the perfect person as a certain way. Eventually, people are able to overcome their insecurities and grow to love themselves. This week’s category of gender roles is something I can also relate to because everything (movies, games, society) portrays the man as the stronger person and as a female I want to be able to do anything they can just as well or even better.
I personally have a very similar definition to our class definition. I believe hooking up is having a sexual relationship. I agree with our definition of ‘hookup’ culture as it should always be consensual when hooking up. When I refer to ‘I hooked up with a guy last night’ I am referring that we had sex. I think our class definition relates very closely to this week’s topic of gender roles. Stereotypes play a huge role within gender roles. As a female participant in hookup cultures, I try to stay as far away from the stereotypes.
I strongly believe that stereotypes make up a huge part of gender roles. As we have read in both Bogle and Wade, male and female are stereotypes of what each gender should or should not being doing in “hookup” culture (2008; 2017). Traditionally, males are the initiators of a hookup and are said to crave or desire hookups the most. Men are often praised when they hookup with one or multiple females. But, on the other hand, females are shamed for participating in hookup culture or ‘acting like men’. Through time, gender roles have changes through different apps such as tinder in male dominated whereas bumble is actually female dominate as they have the power to send a message first.
From personal experience in hookup culture, in relation to gender roles it’s all part of the ‘game.’ From following an attractive guy on Instagram and liking an old photo to get attention, waiting 20 minutes longer than he did to text back, or waiting for him to make the first move. The game never changes. It’s always both males and females trying to get attention from the other to initiate a hookup but never one wanting to be the first to say it. The game is played by most people and it only becomes more complicated through social media and dating apps.
My personal perception of hookup culture in relation to gender roles has always been that it is primarily male-driven. Although both genders are involved in the perpetuation of the culture, I certainly think that men are the primary reason it carries on due to various influential factors. Pop-culture and the media contribute to this by pushing the idea that men have to be the instigators of sexual interaction in all movies, books, etc. My personal definition of hookup culture is similar to our class definition in that I think that the gender roles involved in the culture have been illustrated by society and have remained relatively stagnant for a long time.
History is a great educational tool and is useful in helping people learn from the mistakes or triumphs of the past. The history of gender roles in hookup culture demonstrates the progression towards gender equality that has occurred throughout different generations. Although there is still a lot of change that needs to happen, it is becoming more acceptable for women to make the first move and embrace their sexuality. It also demonstrates some of the consequences that society will give an individual if they openly get involved in hookup culture when they are not in a position in which it is considered right to. It reveals the negative effect it can have on a well-known figure’s reputation if the rest of society does not think they are going about the culture in a respectful way.
I do not consider myself very experienced in the world of hookup culture, but I have learned a lot about the world that we live in from simply hearing stories from my friends and peers. This class has also given me a lot more insight on the subject and has made me aware of all of the factors that come together to shape hookup culture into what it is. I do not think that this subject is openly communicated about by society as much as it should be, with how prevalent it is in the lives of adolescents and young adults.
I personally have a very similar definition to our class definition. I believe hooking up is having a sexual relationship. Although kissing is a form of hooking up, personally I don’t believe that that ‘counts’ as hooking up. I think our class definition relates very closely to this week’s topic of gender roles and although I don’t really want to reveal my identity, I will say that I am writing from a woman’s perspective. I think it is really important that as a class and as participants of hookup culture, we separate ourselves, and more importantly our ideas, far away from stereotypes.
I believe that the term gender roles is grounded from stereotypes. What I mean by this is this particular idea that we have of what each gender should be doing in hookup culture is usually just stereotypical, sometimes true, but situational. With traditional roles and just looking at males and females, typically males are expected to really want to be a part of hookup culture. It is often applauded when a guy hooks up with a girl. On the other side, traditionally women are expected to wait for the male to lead and also might be shamed for actually participating in hookup culture, or not wanting that hookup to go anywhere else. Although gender roles are changing and as a team we have spoken a lot about the fact that these stereotypes or traditional gender roles, are fluctuating as different apps like bumble shift that power over to women.
Personally I think that hookup culture relating to gender roles is a big game that we all play. Whether I tell myself I have to wait a certain amount of time before texting him back or if I have to wait for him to invite me over even if I’m the one who wants to hookup. This game that most of us play, is what is making these gender roles and game stereotypes stick, making them the stereotypes we know and associate with hookup culture.
From weeks 10 to 11 we have focused on the impact of Gender Roles and hookup culture. My understanding of gender roles is what both men and women confine to doing as “normal” in hookup culture. Gender roles, to me, seem to be filled with a lot of the stereotypes that come with hooking up.
In the reading, it is mentioned that women are more likely to look for an emotional attachment than for just hooking up. More often women are the ones looking for a relationship to come out of hooking up while men are opposite. In college, men are known for just wanting a hook up and keeping things strictly platonic. However, women do this too. This stereotype is not always true, however. Within college itself, I’ve seen many times where two people hooking up has led to a relationship. I have also seen guys get really upset when they hook up with a girl and then find out that it was nothing more than that.
Moving forward, I think there are a lot of stereotypes that come with hooking up and gender roles. For example, the idea that men pay for everything on a date. This has definitely been ingrained into previous generations, but I think that is sort of shifting with our generation. Some women have actually taken it upon themselves to kind of crush this social norm. Another social norm I’ve noticed is how men are typically the ones to make the first move. Whether that be on a “dating app” such as tinder, or at a party. Apps like Bumble have built themselves on making women the first ones to start a conversation with someone they matched with.
When it comes to “hookup” culture the number one element that always seems to come up in conversation is gender roles. In the past two weeks are class has read, did research, and found artistic examples of gender roles playing a major part in “hookup” culture. As we focused on this topic it was hard to see the connection between our “hookup” culture definition and how gender roles play a part in it. I think our class definition is a great example of explaining what a “hook up” is, but it does not touch on all the aspect that surround a “hook up” which create the culture surrounding “hookups.”
As I thought about and researched gender roles in today’s “hook up” culture it was hard not to think about how much history has impacted the gender roles we see today, and the standards each gender is supposed to maintain. In chapter 8 of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen A. Bogle she discusses the major differences between the dating era, back then, and the hook up era, which we see now (2008). In these comparisons we are able to see how in today’s “hook up” culture women are expected to treat their body as a temple while also being sexual with a partner, but they are only expected to have one partner, or they are viewed as a “slut”. On the other hand, men are often praised for having multiple partners and in both the dating era and the hook up era men hold the power in relationships. I personally see history as a major part in gender roles because men are always supposed to have the power and a woman is just supposed to follow and agree with whatever her male counterpart says or does. One positive of this is gender roles are starting to be broken down and defied against by women across the United States participating in “hook up” culture and I personally support that greatly.
Over the past two weeks our group has shared our views on gender roles through discussion posts and through artistic representations. One member of our group chose the sing “Different for Girls” and we thought this was a great piece of music to choose because it discusses the differences for males and females in a relationship and a break up and how women are supposed to hold themselves at a higher standard compared to their male counterpart. Our group also discussed how breaking down these gender roles would be a very positive aspect to “hook up” culture because people could be themselves and express themselves more freely. This would also create a more accepting and positive experience for people participating in “hook up” culture.
When I think about gender roles in “hook up” culture in relationship to my own experiences I find it very frustrating as a female. I personally have only been extremely intimate with one person in my life and many males find this attractive because they believe it shows that I hold myself to a high standard. Where on the other hand, a friend of mine has been intimate with over 50 males and when a male finds this out, they are often disrespectful and judgmental of her. This frustrates me because I personally think the world of my friend even though she has been intimate with many more people than I have. I also do not believe that I am better than someone because I have only been with one person and follow societies “gender roles” more. I think every woman should have the choice to be a free with their body as they choose, and should not be judged for the choices they make with it, since it is their body and their life.
For weeks 10 and 11 our class focused on gender roles. Our class definition that we came up with in the beginning of the year is, “consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment.” While I think it is a good definition, it does not specifically mention anything about gender roles. However, I think the definition does not need to address anything regarding gender roles. Personally, I found this topic to be the most interesting one so far.
I think gender roles are a huge influence on what hook up culture really is. I also found that gender roles and basically just stereotypes. A stereotype is how men usually just want a hookup and how women find that difficult and “catch feelings” for the other person. Chapter 6 of Bogle talks about how men are better at casual sex but, I see this as not necessarily true and a common stereotype most people have. In my life, I have many friends who are girls that only want to have casual sex and I also know a lot of guys who want to have a relationship. I believe it is based off the person and their personal preferences and not about their gender. Chapter 8 of Bogle also talks about how women want to turn a hookup into a relationship. While it is true for some it is not true for everyone. They also discuss virgins and how they are shamed and made fun of for still being a virgin (2008). I have seen people make fun of someone for being a virgin and while the person thought it was a joke, the one who was a virgin took it seriously and ended up upset. I think everyone should respect everyone and their decisions no matter what you think is right. I feel bad for people who think they have to have sex or lie about it so they are not shamed.
My group has talked about how gender roles would affect our survey. We talked about certain questions we could ask to determine how much gender roles influence people who are involved in hook up culture. These questions will give us a better idea about how more people feel about gender roles outside of our class.
Personally, looking at my own relationship with my boyfriend, we really do not focus on gender roles too heavily. We sometimes have days where I have to be strong for him and there’s days he has to do the same for me. I wish that gender roles did not exist and that everyone should be able to make decisions for themselves and be able to do what makes them happy and to not let what society says is normal define them.
From weeks 10 to 11 of the course we discussed hookup culture in relation to gender roles. We identified category elements such as feminism, shame, autonomy, stereotypes, and cool for guys, body count, walk of shame and embarrassment. The class definition does not seem to mention the category of gender roles or any of the elements. I like how it does not specify this as it sets up a “hookup” as having no roles.
Both Bogle and Wade mention how females tend to want the hookup to evolve into something more and men have the power to decide this (2008; 2017). Wade emphasizes how women are seen as more emotional and states most students seem to think men are better at caring less and gender stereotypes accelerate this further (2017). In addition the sources note how women want relationships out of sex. Interestingly Castleman’s findings reveal 65% of women and 45% of men said they hoped their hookups would lead to long term relationships (2016). It would be interesting to see the age groups surveyed since older men and women tend to look for more meaningful relationships. I have discovered this to be true with my guy friends who have been single since freshman year. The focus used to be only on hookups and not becoming attached. Now towards the end of senior year they’ve expressed that random hookups are not as fun anymore and they want relationships. I know this is not true for all guys but think it is common.
Our team discovered atwitter poll with the prompt asking viewers what the normal/acceptable body count for a female is. The poll received 487 votes on the question, and as Twitter polls automatically have voters anonymous, voters would have no reason to not answer honestly. The poll results indicated 44% identified 0-5 sexual partners as the “correct” answer highlighting the shame for women who have higher sexual partners. I know if the prompt was the acceptable body count for a male the most common answer would be greater than 0-5 sexual partners. It is difficult to change this double standard as there is no real logical reason why it exists.
If you haven’t listened to Barstool Sports podcast Call Her Daddy, you should. It is a great podcast. The hosts Alexandra Cooper and Sofia Franklyn exploit their lives and dive into explicit details of their lives in NYC while answering sex and relationship questions. One of their episodes highlights the insignificance of body count and I could not agree more. The podcast makes listeners feel no shame in hookups and I think is a great mindset to have. A few weeks ago I went to Las Vegas for spring break. As the night life in Vegas is known for going until the morning, my friends and I frequently found ourselves walking back at five or six in the morning. Although not a true walk of shame, it felt like one. It’s sad we felt this way and I believe if we were guys walking through a crowded hotel lobby and casino in our going out clothes from the night, we would feel differently.
Our class has defined a hookup as “A consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment.” In a general sense, I accept this definition to be my own as it directly related to my personal perspective of what a hookup is. To broaden that definition, we identified several categories which are made up of elements to accommodate for all the aspects that are incorporated in hookup culture. Over the past two weeks the focus of our discussion has been on the category of gender roles that are incorporated in hookup culture. Unlike previous categories we did not assign it any sub elements since in our final list of categories it was defined as a sub-element under the psychology category. However, to specify when discussing gender roles, the term is used to highlight the way in which certain aspects of interactions are “assigned” to one of the parties since culturally they are typically the one to fulfill it. I feel that our class definition of hookup culture directly relates to my personal definition of hookup culture, however I don’t think that the definition itself identifies how our gender roles category is related to it. Even though I still believe and agree that psychology is an important element to hookup culture.
The main idea that I resonated which while researching the category of gender roles over the past two weeks has been the notion of there needs to be a greater amount of inclusion for all genders, rather than only men and women, and the role they have in hookup culture. This lack of inclusion was present in all our resources which were a focus of this category such as Bogle and Wade’s books as well as the Castleman and Brody articles. This is likely because the concepts of incorporating other genders into the focus of discussions is a rather new concepts based on the recent acceptance and openness of the LGBTQ+ community, and many of the resources we are using were written before this development so at no fault of their own they don’t not provide insights on how roles are viewed for genders other than male and female which participate in hookup culture. However, acknowledging this dissociation is the first steps to creating a more inclusive environment to focus on; thus, when writing our book, it is crucial that we are a source of inclusiveness in terms of gender roles for all genders and their relations to “hookup” culture.
My team’s external resources for this weeks’ category of gender roles focused on two personal interviews regarding the theme of feminism and how it relates to hookup culture. The interview participants were a 20, and 21-year-old female college students. One of which stated that the implementation of feminism is making the topic of women participating in hookup culture more acceptable and less of a societal taboo. But she also took the stance of self-identifying as a “whore” because of her participation in hookup culture. In a general since this dichotomy is increased in scale when you are considering the gender roles of hookup culture since women participating in hookup culture and that isn’t a taboo, but on an individual scale it is derogatory for a young woman to have slept with sever people because of her role in hookup culture.
Since I don’t participate in hookup culture, my personal experiences regarding this category of hookup culture are limited to the narratives that my friends have told me about their personal experiences. From which I would have assumed that while there are underlying assumptions of gender roles in hookup culture but in reality, they have phased out of playing a role in hookups. While some assumptions of gender roles have lessened in recent years they are still partially present in hookup culture. Such as some peoples assuming that the man in the interactions is the one who is taking change and initiating the hookup as well as deciding if and when there is going to be multiple hookups and when to halt the occurrence. As well as the idea that women are emotional creatures who will get attached and fall in love which whoever they are having sex with. However, in reality neither of these is the case in every situation. In reality there is a fluid matrix between the roles men and women play in hookup culture. Which means that at sometimes those assumptions are correct, but also that just as many times it is incorrect, and those roles are reversed. Now that we have completed our research on the category of gender roles, I still believe this mindset to be true and that moving forward gender roles in hookup culture should be viewed as a fluid matrix between the parties involved.
I would say that our class definition of “hookup” culture fits very well with my personal definition of hookup culture as it relates to this week’s topic of gender roles. Whoever is involved, whatever their gender may be, is agreeing to the hookup and their opinion is taken into account. I personally believe this as well, that the female and the male have equal power in the hookup, and that they both have control over when the hookup starts or ends, what it consists of, and that they both agree to it. There is no role that the male has that the female does not, and there is no role that the female has that the male does not. Their opinions and preferences are equal and talked about. What I don’t agree with from the definition is the “sexual” part. I don’t believe that a hookup has to be sexual every time to be classified as a hookup, rather whoever is participating has judgement over what it will consist of and what they will do. Saying every hookup is sexual is putting a large classification over every hookup that I don’t think is true, rather it is the mutual decision of the participants equally. Lastly, I think that there should be some specification in the definition stating that both the female and male are equal partners in this hookup.
For this week’s category of gender roles, I believe there is a lot to say about the history pertaining to this category and the difference between gender roles in history and the way gender roles are viewed today. Back in history, gender roles were viewed much more strictly than how they’re accepted today. Males were completely dominant in anything that had to do pertaining to relationships (depending how far you go back) and seemed to have complete control over what female they wanted and what they wanted to do with them. There even used to be arranged marriages where the female had no control over who they were marrying. The male went to work and did his job in the relationship, and the female did her role as the housewife. If there were hookups, it seemed to be more male dominated, and there was not much talk of the LGBTQ community. Nowadays, I would say we are moving to a much more equal gender structure where both females and males have equal say in a relationship. There is also much more wide recognition and acceptance of female’s rights and opinions and the LGBTQ community. These communities used to be very in the shadows, but it seems they are more being brought to light.
For the gender roles category, our team used a photo talking about the nature and definition of consent in relationships, and what it means. It outlines resources you can use, and draws a line between what consent is and what is not consent. Some good things about the visual is it discusses the topic of consent in different situations such as “hookups” at parties, friends with benefits, or even if you’re in a committed relationship. It also gives a detailed definition of what consent really is. This visual shows the importance of consent and also gives an explanation of why it is important for us to talk about it. Some things that lack from the visual, however, include that this flyer is one from Illinois Wesleyan University. Something like it should be at all college campuses. This flyer doesn’t really mention anything about LGBTQ+ community but also doesn’t exclude them. The only thing that it mentions is the statistics of the commonality of men and women being sexually assaulted. In general, it doesn’t mention anything about the LGBTQ+ community and is really only implied towards the cis-gendered community. Because of this, I don’t think it is a good representation and I think that side should be addressed.
My personal experiences related to hookup culture and this week’s category of gender roles are very interesting. (I am a straight female). From my previous experience, the hookups seemed to be male dominated. Now I haven’t hooked up a lot, but from what I have done is that mostly they are very male-dominated. I don’t think I’m intending for them to be that way, or that it should be that way, it just kind of happens like that. The males have taken control and initiated the hookup or talked about hooking up before I have. It may be that they know what they want or what they’re looking for, whereas I would be fine with a hookup or wouldn’t mind if it was something more. It also may just be my personality, maybe I am not as confident or as sure in what the relationship pertains to or what page both of us are on. I also have a pretty introverted personality, so that may also be an effect of them mostly being the male choosing when to start and stop, and me being okay with it. During the hookup, I do see that it is more equal, where each of us communicate what we want from the experience and what we are okay with. But I personally don’t really see myself making the first move, but I don’t think it necessarily should or has to be that way.
Our class definition does not exclusively imply a set of gender roles, but that doesn’t mean gender roles are absent. I think, like most things in our society, hookup culture has a very strict set of gender roles. I don’t think that means people have to follow them to accurately participate in hookup culture, but I do think hookup culture influences male dominance, like most other institutions.
Through class readings, I see more and more how gender roles and stereotypes impact hookup culture. Something that stuck out to me in Kathleen Bogle’s book Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus, was that in her interviews and analyses of hookup culture on college campuses, she really focused on the power that the man holds. Her students often talked about how girls would typically want something more than a hookup, and guys didn’t, which placed a huge stereotype on women and sometimes made men reluctant to hookup (2008). What bothered me was that it was never mentioned what happened if the girl just wanted to hookup and the guy wanted something more. It was always talked about women getting too attached, but it seemed that guys never got attached, that they had no feelings. But hookups are rarely truly emotionless. I think the reason that there is a lack of information about men’s feelings of wanting more than a hookup is because it is so common for people to think women are the emotional ones; that men are taught to not show or express their feelings. I think some men in the surveys might not reveal their true emotions or not even recognize the feelings they are having.
I also think it’s really interesting to look back at how gender roles have changed over time. In the same chapter, Bogle discusses gender roles from the dating era. Gender roles have not vanished but they definitely have changed. Gender roles were extremely strict in the dating era (2008). In the dating era, men were expected to take women out, pay for entertainment, call her, make the first move, etc. Basically, what happened depended on the man and women were completely out of control. In today’s hookup culture, I do think that what happens depends a lot on what the man wants, but I think women hold more power today than they did in the past. Women can decide to go out and participate and how they dress. Women have control over if they want to hookup or not, and how far they’re willing to take things. I think gender roles are still similar in that there is a set script for a man, and a different set for a woman.
In my personal life, I’m in a relationship and I don’t think we pay much attention to gender roles much. He does the majority of the cooking, I do most the cleaning, and we both feel comfortable initiating something. I think we’re both pretty independent and sufficient on our own, being together just makes things better.
I don’t think gender roles will completely vanish for a long time. I think they will continue to alter according to contemporary life, but I think there will always be some form of gender roles and a gendered script.
At the beginning of the semester, our class collectively decided on a definition for “hookup” culture. Our definition does not seem to include the idea of gender roles. In fact, the definition does not say anything about the many genders that often go unnoticed in our society. I believe that the idea of gender roles when discussing “hookup culture” is very important, since one’s gender may impact how they experience “hookup” culture. There are many stereotypes linked to certain genders when discussing this topic. I believe that there are many things that influence how a person experiences “hookup” culture, and the gender they identify with is one of the biggest influences.
Both Bogle and Wade addressed differences in gender roles in “hookup culture,” but only relating to men and women (2008; 2017). Specifically, Bogle discusses how many of the college men she interviewed expressed wanting no strings attached with their “hookup.” Further, she discusses that women tend to want more out of a relationship. Therefore, Bogle states that women often believe that men “hold the power” in deciding whether or not a “hookup” turns into a relationship (2008). According to Wade, there is a stigma attached to women that they are the emotional creatures in the relationship and men are the physical ones (2017). Similarly, Castleman acknowledges how women are stereotypically the emotional ones, whereas men are the “physical ones” (2016). Castleman conducted a study that sort of goes against this common stereotype of men and women in “hookup culture” addressed by Bogle and Wade. This study states that 65% of the women and 45% of the men said they hoped their hookups would lead to long-term relationships (2016). Although there is obviously a common theme for gender roles in “hookup culture,” it is important to remember that everyone is different and that these stereotypes are an overall “idea,” but do not pertain to everyone. Everyone has a different experience with “hookup culture,” no matter their gender. Unfortunately, none of these authors touched on “hookup culture” relating to other genders besides men and women. I hope to find more sources that touch on how other genders are “stereotyped” in “hookup culture.”
Our team found two sources relating to this broad category of gender roles. One source that we came across was a book, written by Talburt and Irvine (2018), which designates an entire chapter to the idea of shame in “hookup culture.” This chapter is literally titled “The Walk of Shame.” In this chapter, the authors discuss many reports of women on college campuses feeling shame and embarrassment as they try to sneak out of their “hookup” partner’s house the morning after the “hookup.” The authors also suggest that “hookups” often take place at the man’s dorm, frat, or apartment (2018). Again, we see a stereotype between men and women in the “hookup culture,” although not every situation follows this idea. Another source that our team found is a TEDx presentation by Grace Rosner (2018) which relates to shame, stereotypes, and feminism, all subcategories of our gender roles category. In her presentation, Rosner explains that women are often labeled negative names such as “slut” for participating in “hookup culture,” whereas men gain a popularity boost for participating in the same “hookup culture.” Relating to feminism, she also discusses how “hookup culture” provides an opportunity for equalization and empowerment for women (2018). Rosner brought up some very good points that I had not thought about before.
Since I do not participate in “hookup culture,” I have experienced pressure to participate from other friends who do. For example, one friend used to try to pressure me into making a Tinder and meet guys off of there like she did, although I did not give into this pressure. Living on a college campus in general has exposed me to many societal pressures of joining “hookup culture.” Although this is common on a college campus, I have many friends who do not participate in “hookup culture.” Sadly, from seeing my friends who do, many of the stereotypes between men and women above do appear to be true, although not always.
Relating to gender roles, my view of hookup culture is not explicitly discussed in our definition. There is no relating to gender roles at all in our definition and I also believe nothing is even implied, for good reason. When talking about gender roles, usually the conversation only includes men and women, even though there are more than two genders so I am glad that our definition does not discuss gender roles.
When it comes to gender roles, we already focused on the fact that men usually only want the “hookup” whereas women want something more than the hookup from the hookup. This is always an aspect that is focused on in sources relating to hookup culture, but I personally disagree with it considering it puts men and women into a box and does not even acknowledge other genders in the discussion. This is a major fault in many aspects of research because it is ignorant to assume things in research that are easily refuted.
Our group had no specific sources for gender roles because our annotated bibliography was finished before that was an official category, but we had plenty of good sources for the other groups/categories. Gender roles could also debatably go under groups and I have outlined our sources for groups in my first analysis.
I have personally seen the assumed gender roles working in my experiences. There is always an assumption that the guy always just wants to hookup, and I have seen girls assume this every time they hookup with someone and then find out after that they wanted something more. It is also shown through opposites of the gender role assumptions in this way. Mostly, the gender role assumptions in our research do reign true, but there are plenty of examples of it being the opposite. I do not have many examples with genders other than men and women so I cannot speak on that but I can clearly state that gender roles are both proven and fought against on a normal basis in my experiences.
In the first two weeks of school our class defined “hookup” culture as a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment. I personally agree with this definition but not everyone agrees with our definition so we have the quotation marks around hookup. There is no part of this definition that specifically relates to gender roles.
Some parts of the gender roles that resonate with me are cool for guys, body count and embarrassed. First off I am a man and in my personal experiences it is a cool for guys to “hook up”. Whenever one of my friends gets laid I am also happy for them. I also see a lot of guys brag about getting laid because in their mind it makes them feel cooler. Another part of gender roles is body count. For most part body count is important to guys and like to brag about it. Some guys like to talk about it but I assume, as you get older it becomes irrelevant. During college having sex is a big part of their life and most guys are vocal about it. Lastly embarrassed is a part of gender roles that resonate with me. I have never met a guy that is talking about how he is embarrassed about “hooking up”. I feel that some men do feel embarrassed but don’t tell anyone. I personally haven’t been embarrassed about “hooking up.” I have talk to girls that is embarrassed about having sex. In the aspect of history of gender roles is that it used to be that a man would always start the conversation, plan dates and pay for dates. Throughout time this has changed because no it is acceptable for other genders to start a conversation, plan dates and pay for dates. I personally still like the aspect of being a gentleman, so I usually start conversations and pay for dates. I don’t think people should assume gender roles and people can take on gender roles if they want to.
For gender roles my group has found a scholarly article that is called Not Just Black and White: How Race/Ethnicity and Gender Intersect in Hookup Culture. This touches on how gender roles are different between genders, races and cultures. This is a great source on this topic because it shows another personas perspective on “hookup” gender roles. I like this source because it gives a look into other people experiences. When doing research on a topic I also love to have different perspectives on the same issue because it can shed light on things I may have over looked. I also don’t know “hook up” culture experiences differ from races, genders and cultures.
The focus category for weeks 10-11 was gender roles with many subcategories.
My personal definition is similar to the class definition, but I do think everyone’s definition is different depending on their experiences. Focusing back to gender roles, I do not think this category is directly related to the class definition. However, I do believe there are prevalent gender roles in our current “hook up” culture that need to be discussed.
The category of gender roles is present in both books we have chosen to read as a class by Lisa Wade and Kathleen A. Bogle as they have items that connect to this category and its many subcategories. In Wade’s chapter 6, she states that women have a hard time with emotionless sex (2017 134). Bogle and Wade also both make points that women are more emotional as they “catch feelings” and want something more out of the “hook up.” In addition, the Castleman reading stated that “65% of women hoped their hook ups would lead to long-term relationships.” These widely held beliefs about women’s emotions fit into the subcategory of stereotypes. Some women may be more emotional, while others are able to have sex and move on without any emotions. This is one of the misconceptions characterizing gender roles in our current “hook ups.” Bogle’s chapter 8 touches on the subcategories of shame, embarrassment, and stereotypes. Bogle states that male control has led to women being exploited (2008 179). This is related to the subcategories as women are negatively labeled, putting their reputation at risk. In Wade’s chapter 6, she discusses how men are expected to hold the power and how to be “cool” men must need no one and be unattached (2017 134). It is evident from all of these readings that gender roles do play a large part in our “hookup” culture.
During our research, our team found a few items that related to the category of gender roles. One of the items is a TEDTalk called “The Faults in Our Feminism: Discussing Teenage Hookup Culture” by Grace Rosner. This TEDTalk relates to the subcategories of shame and feminism. The subcategory of shame is focused upon when Rosner discusses the double standard women face as they are labeled sluts for being sexually active, while men are congratulated. As for the subcategory of feminism, Rosner discusses how feminism has become more prominent in recent years, and it encourages women an opportunity for equalization and empowerment during a “hook up.” Another helpful source we found was a book by Susan Talburt and Janice Irvine called “Youth Sexualities: Public Feelings and Contemporary Cultural Politics.” We chose this book as one of the chapters specifically focuses on the category of gender roles. In this chapter, the authors discuss reports of women feeling shame and embarrassment after their “hook ups.” These external sources had lots of key points relating to the category of gender roles.
From my personal experience, there are many gender roles in our current “hook up” culture. Hearing stories from my friends when they return from a guy’s house, they always feel embarrassed or shamed for what happened. When I hear my guy friends talk about their “hook ups” they feel good about them and there is no shame involved. Shame and embarrassment are items that display the gender roles in our “hookups.”
My personal definition of “hookup” culture is very similar to the one was made as a class. However, my personal definition and our class definition does not connect or relate to this week’s category of Gender Roles. Our class definition does not go into great detail of all the aspects of “hookup” culture, gender roles being one of those many aspects.
In the past, gender roles where very simple. Males and females were expected to do their own certain things. Females were taught to stay silent and let the males do all the work. This also applies to “hookup” culture in the past. Men were expected to take the lead and they did just that. Nowadays gender roles aren’t necessarily reversed but I believe that women are expected to more than they were in the past. I believe that is both the man and woman’s job to initiate a “hookup”. I also believe that is both the man and woman’s job to establish boundaries; that is not a one-person decision.
My team found an opinion article that talks about self-worth. The author talks about how “hookup” culture can both dominate and diminish a person’s self-worth. “Hookup” culture can make you feel really good about yourself if you do something that you are proud of and proud to tell your friends about it. But “hookup” culture can also make you feel horrible about yourself and make you feel very shameful if you did something that you are not proud of and that you wouldn’t want anyone to hear about it.
Since I do not actively participate in “hookup” culture, I do not have any personal experiences that relate to the categorical elements of this category of Gender Roles.
Gender roles are an underlying side-effect within hook-up culture. The definition we created in class does not include gender or gender roles but as a social norm, we all understand that gender roles fit right in. The idea that gender roles would be non-existent in hook-up culture is hard to believe, but writing them into one, short, class definition would be near impossible. I think that excluding gendering terms at all in our definition was a good move because if we were to begin to talk about gender, our definition would be much longer than it already is. While not explicitly named in our definition, conversation surrounding gender roles is important to include.
I feel gender roles and hook-up culture go hand in hand, especially in past generations hook-up expectations. Their ideas of gender roles were very pronounced in the past for daily lives and while talking about hook-ups was taboo at the time (with very little literature on hookups in those older generations), I feel we can still see a general trend in what they would expect from men and women. Looking at the baby boomer generation, one study says gender roles have decreased since that time period (Lynott and McCandless 2000). I think that with a reduction in gender roles does not mean they have disappeared but instead fluctuating between one genders expectation to another no longer gets criticism. I hear a lot of people say it is the man’s role to initiate the sexual contact in a hookup, but I know that a lot of men find it attractive when a woman does it instead.
Our group is looking into many aspects of gender roles as we format our survey. We have discussed using questions asking about current and recent relationships and how those play into the gender roles in hook-ups. We also want to ask about friends and family opinions to see how gender roles are shaped. Looking into these questions gives us a bigger picture on how gender roles are passed down between generations and also gives us an idea as to what parts of gender roles continue to thrive under current hook-up expectations.
Personally, I feel like gender roles affect me a lot but not in a negative way. I have really bad anxiety so fitting into my gender roles makes it a lot easier and more comfortable to engage in hook-up culture. When I hook-up with relatively random people (i.e. people from dating apps, I don’t hook-up with complete strangers), I always find it a lot more anxiety inducing to try new things. Having a “script” laid out to tell me what to do in these situations eases the anxiety and makes it a lot more enjoyable for me. If I am asked to go beyond my gender roles, I often oblige because after finding my partners preference, I now have a new “script” to follow.
As we discussed the topic of “gender roles” throughout these week, I was brought back to first couple week’s class periods where we had to define a “hookup” together. This process took very long and there were always different opinions flying around- especially between those who identify differently. While it was not a bad thing whatsoever, I found it interesting how certain people fulfilled their stereotyped gender role just in what their focus was throughout the definition. While I don’t know if is just because they felt as if they should portray themselves as this way or there was no meaning behind it at all, but I have found this topic the most interesting one yet.
The biggest thing that had resonated with me throughout our online discussions and viewing other people’s thoughts, is that gender roles are so subjective and truly stereotypical. I started to think about my own history, my own relationships, and I noticed that I’ve taken on different roles in almost all of them. However, not because I was not being true to myself nor did I feel like I couldn’t’ be. Instead, I believe it’s because it’s just how me and the other person worked, how we complimented each other. While my assertive personality definitely does not waver, I have found that I am not always the expected “emotional one.”
This week I noticed that multiple people had mentioned that most people honestly don’t agree nor believe in there being set “gender roles”. I liked how one person mentioned that it all depends on how comfortable you are with the person and their personality. I shared with my family that I was raised in a home where we believe in the importance of your “love language” as well as the others we surround ourselves with. The idea is that not everyone gives love nor feels love the same- it is purely dependent on the individual. Having said this, I have seen men whose love language is “words of affection” while most may think that only women would have that as their top three.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now and I don’t think either one of us truly fit the mold of our gender stereotype. We are best friends and feel comfortable that some days one of us may be the emotional one but the next, it may be the other one. We are both assertive about different things, both respond to things differently, and the list could go on and on. However, we know each other so well that we are okay with compromising our tendencies to fulfill what the other person needs in that moment.
During the first week of the semester, our class collectively decided on a definition for the term “hookup culture.” Our class definition does not specifically address gender roles, although ‘Gender Roles’ is one of the categories we have collectively decided to incorporate into our book. Since gender roles vary across the world, and there are a variety of genders which go unrecognized by our society, it would be difficult to incorporate a broad statement regarding gender roles in relation to “hookup culture” in our definition. If I were to update our definition, I would make it, “a consensual, intimate interaction that is sexual between 2+ people without commitment. Individuals experiences differ, and can be influenced by cultural gender roles, groups they identify with, psychological experiences, social/communicative aspects, and music/television, and film.” Including gender roles in our definition is very important because of the impact it has on people’s experiences within “hookup culture.” This includes, but is not limited to, individual’s experience of shame and stereotypes that exist and how they affect individuals who engage in “hooking up.” Although our definition does not address this social construct, our assigned readings and class discussions have.
Both Bogle and Wade addressed similar findings regarding gender roles in the American “hookup culture,” and only focused on men and women (2008; 2017). According to Bogle and Wade, stereotypically, men and women are hoping for different outcomes when engaging in “hookups.” They acknowledge that women typically hope to get an emotional connection and committed relationship with their “hookup” partner, and men usually want the opposite. This is what society’s ideas are about men and women, but stereotypes are not necessarily accurate. According to Castleman, about half of men and women who are undergraduate college students had discussed potentially being in a committed relationship with their “hookup” partners (2016). Bogle (2008) also addressed the ‘shame’ and ‘embarrassment’, which are subcategories within our ‘gender roles’ category. In regard to women and their virginity, women typically feel shame and embarrassment if they are virgins. This concept has changed over time because virginity was looked at more positively in the past. This is also complicated because women feel embarrassed and ashamed of themselves if they are a virgin, but then shamed if they engage in “hookup culture.” On the other hand, men feel embarrassed and ashamed of themselves if they are a virgin as well but are praised if they engage in “hookup culture.” Wade addressed the stereotypical thoughts that occur during a “hookup.” Men typically think that if a woman is willing to “hookup” with them that she would be willing to be in a committed relationship with them (2017). This is not always the case and is “benevolent sexism.” Men believe that they are given the power to determine the intensity of the relationship, which can cause women to experience negative psychological impacts. With all of this being said, it is unfortunate that only men and women have been researched and addressed by these authors. Additionally, a takeaway from this analysis should be that stereotypes are extremely harmful, and all people are different, no matter what perspectives are associated with their gender.
As for resources from our team’s annotated bibliography, we found one source which addressed the ‘walk of shame,’ a subcategory of our ‘gender roles’ category. The book written by Talburt and Irvine had one chapter which was designated to discussing the walk of shame and how women experience feelings of embarrassment and shame associated with leaving their “hookup” partner’s place and getting home (2018). Another source we found addressed ‘feminism,’ another subcategory of our ‘gender roles’ category. This TEDx presentation conducted by Grace Rosner acknowledged how “hookup culture” creates a double standard for women, and the toxic impacts of “slut-shaming.” At the same time, from the feminist perspective, “hookup culture” has provided a means for women empowerment.
Since I do not engage in “hookup” culture, I have experienced feelings of shame and embarrassment for turning men’s advances down and not giving in to societal pressures. I have friends who are women that have experienced “slut-shaming” for taking part in “hookup culture,” and friends who are men who have been praised by others for taking part in “hookup culture.” I wish that everyone could make the decisions that were best for themselves without the influence of societal perspectives. No one deserves to feel guilty or embarrassed for what they chose to do with their body.